Suicide (EN)
by A Shadow Perfect
Summary: And for the way he said, Max was sure he was being sincere.


Note: Hello. This is my first english fic. English isn't my first language, so should have some mistakes here. When you see it, just tell me that I fix okay? Thanks.

The italic part is the song Suicide from James Arthur.

This is a fanfic slash (man/man) if you don't like, don't read.

Hope you enjoy!

* * *

_One, Two_

_You ready?_

_Here we go_

Maxxie don't think about anything except for Tony. He was addiction to him, his body doesn't answer for nothing that wasn't Tony's body. They are kissing again and there's nothing like they first kiss or even the second. Even in that time, Max lied when he said that he have found something that he wasn't good, because Tony was fucking good at this. But now was even better.

_It ain't the gun_

_It's the man behind the trigger_

_Gets blood on his fingers and run_

_Isn't the lie_

_It's the way that the truth is denied_

_Definitely better,_ Max thinking smiling when he finished of make it with Tony. Lying in his bed, Max felt for one second that he was special. But he come back to the reality when the other push the body away off his hand.

The blonde hurt stare Tony. Why he have to be such idiot? For one moment, Maxxie thought he saw blame on Tony's eyes, but in the next second he was with the cold and defiant look that seems say "go ahead, do shit while I'm watching."

Without one word, Max knew that was time of leave the room. Putted together the clothes scattered on the floor.

"I love you" said and his heart get hurt with the silence. He know that Tony won't tell it back; don't expect so. But he want a reaction.

Tony shrugged his shoulders, pretending doesn't care. And maybe he really doesn't care, Max think painful. That is what hurts him. The absence of a answer, the way that Tony pretending that he doesn't cared about nothing, but Max knew that he cares about something. He _have_ to.

"Say something, anything." Begged.

"I don't have nothing to say" replies Tony coldly.

Max hates the way the truth was denied, preferred another something. Cause lie he could handle, but not in this way.

_But if there is one thing that I'm guilty of_

_It's loving and giving when you take too much_

_If somebody asked how we died_

_Please look them straight in the eye_

Because like that Max feels that he was the one that cares with this relationship, that Tony doesn't see him like nothing more than a friend who he could make it. Wasn't even sure if he was at least a friend to the other.

But he doesn't blame himself. Max wasn't stupid, he had some good relationships enough to know that the one thing wrong he did was love and give too much to Tony, cause he should had knew since the beginning that he will let him like that. Everybody knows that Tony will leave they as soon as he doesn't think they're funny anymore, that's the reason the people hate him so much. And he know that, but he ignored because he needs Tony, the boy more sagacious that he have knew – a son of bitch manipulator too, but doesn't making less amazing how the boy seems to always know what he is doing. And Max loved that, loved Tony. But he can't handle more one relationship like this. He was dying inside; they're dying.

_Call it suicide_

_Don't fabricate_

_Just tell them baby_

_It was suicide_

_Don't sugarcoat it_

_Just let them know_

Maybe not dying, because dying gives the impression that they can't stop this, avoid that happened. But they could, so maybe the best word was suicide. Yeah. That was the perfect word. Something was died inside, but still could be saved. They could save they relationship and Max was desperate to do that, but he can't do that alone. He needs that Tony cared.

_It ain't the knife_

_It's the way that you use it_

_How you abuse it in fights_

_It ain't about the life_

_You feel you were given_

_As long as you're living in love_

But this seems difficult to happen. Maxxie always talk about how much like the other, but seems that Tony was determinate in transform everything in a big mess, nothing was simple, nothing pass of that something that he could use later. Tony should have got a amazing memory to remember all the things that he use against people, making they feel like monsters.

Tony… He was always defensive, Max realize. He can't relax, maybe for fear of what he did to people was did against him, but nobody was so clever to can. Max try to have patience with him because he understand that this was the lifestyle of Tony's life since ever, and he doesn't want to change him, just want make him understand that he haven't reason to attack him. Maxxie will never did something against him.

Other thing that Max try to show for Tony was that he always will be loved and not just in the good hours. The blonde have the impression that Tony just feel alive in the time of get laid or when doing a big shit. And that was sad.

_You've been killing me softly_

_And finally that is too much_

_And I'm all out of whiskey_

_To soak up the damage you've done_

But Max couldn't fix every Tony problems and he is tired of try. He feel like there's no energy to nothing more.

Max, who never drink, was locked up inside of his room now drinking the last sips of whiskey to try relax. He knew that was wrong, but he needed that.

Let the empty bottle fall and already without thinking right, left home, looking for more alcohol. In the middle of the path found Tony.

"YOU!" shout, having the attention of the other that made a grimace typically Stonem – totally lovely and that angered more Max – and pointed to him. "What the fuck is your problem? I did everything to you, and you act like I am…" stop a little, dizzy. "Like I am… like I am… a… slave!" concluded, happy for had found a word.

Tony's expression immediately changed. Max doesn't remember of seeing this face before. He seemed worry and regret, like the other's words really touch him.

"Let's go home." Tony annunciate, pulling him.

Max doesn't protest.

_Call it suicide_

_Don't fabricate_

_Just tell them baby_

_It was suicide_

_Don't sugarcoat it_

Once arrived lover's home, ran toward the bathroom. Tony ran after him. Max threw up, feeling really lousy.

"It's alright." Tony calms him, unexpectedly.

Maxxie keeps vomiting for some time and feels really weak, but in none moment Tony left him. Soon as stopped, Tony carry him to the shower and help him to take a bathe with delicate. Max was a bit confused with Tony altitude, but he won't reclaim.

Left the shower and didn't take two steps before arms involved him.

"Max... I... You're not a slave. You're the person that I cared most in life." Confided Tony.

Maxxie smiled, but then the smile died.

"But you don't love me?" Asked and the other become quiet.

"Não." Said and Maxxie felt disappointed. Why the other can't feel the same that him? "But I guess I'm starting to love." And for the way he said, Max was sure he was being sincere.

Didn't take longer to Maxxie throw himself in the other, kissing with lust.

Cause if they relationship was suicide, Maxxie was ready to commit suicide.

* * *

Note: Yeah, it's a little dark, but... Is the way I see them.


End file.
